Vincent Van Toe

Howdy gang,

Foot fish?

                I have been out for a while now! My god! Same as usual, work has been trying to kill me I think. I will be doing another follow-up post very soon in order to catch everyone up on what all has been happening and to update on what is new with Elizabeth, but I had a very specific idea in mind for this post and since it is already so late I wanted to at least get this one out today. On a semi-related note though, I think I have done a pretty good job thus far at painting a picture of myself. It will come as no surprise that I am kind of an asshole and an idiot. That being said, I have actually been holding back a little on these post since many of my family members read this, but…they know I am an asshole. So I won't really be censoring myself any longer. Fatterhood will contain at least 34% more curse words and sick, twisted thoughts. So fuckin’ eh!

                I am getting so confused with these damn “art projects” that are sent home with Elizabeth from daycare. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they are cute/adorable/sweet/some other adjectives little keepsakes. But who the hell do they think they are kidding?! First off, what kind of artist would choose feet as their medium or their muse? Interesting side note, I get curious on stuff like this and a quick Google search brought me to a

bout 72,800,000 results just for the phrase “foot artist” so I guess that shut me up. But to be fair, most of these artists don’t have arms. Elizabeth’s work but she is just refusing to pick up a damn paint brush. Kids are freakin’ lazy as shit these days. Secondly, am I seriously paying over $200 a week so that a twenty-something year old can put paint on my daughter’s feet and then draw legs on it to make it look like a squid? Where the fuck was this on career day?

Foot octopus?

                It is really interesting though how differently my wife and view these “masterpieces”. When my Ma died I found several big Rubbermaid bins that had what appeared to be EVERY SINGLE DAMN ART PROJECT I HAD EVER DONE! That was how she was though. She had to save everything that her little boy ever touched. I am the type of person that HAS to get some sort of souvenir whenever I go some place new and I have my nerdy collections of course, but I am not overly attached to things in general. My wife on the other hand has zero chotskies. She has next to no emotional attachment for material goods at all. She has a couple of very cherished possessions such as a pearl necklace that her grandmother gave her on our wedding day and our family photos and so forth. It has lead to an interesting disagreement as to what to do with these one of a kind art pieces.

                I am not quite sure what I really want to do with them either. My wife says that we should keep the ones that are special for whatever reason, but they are all special. On the other hand, I don’t want to have 20 bins of construction paper that a daycare teacher doodled over my daughter’s foot prints either. I guess time will tell on this one, but my guess is that my wife is just talking a big game and we will end up keeping all of them for posterity.

I don't know what the fuck this is.

                I promise to have a few other posts up really soon. So please check back soon and don’t forget to check out Fatterhood on Facebook. As always, thank you for reading and PROST!