Monday, September 19, 2016

Fat-dad is still alive! But barely...

Howdy gang,
                Sorry for the long silence. If you follow Fatterhood on Facebook I am sure that I have made everyone quite aware that between my work, weddings, and Elizabeth teething it has been hard to find any form of free time. Anyways, where do I even begin at this point? Barring Elizabeth’s injury while we were in Madison, we had an awesome time. Friday night through Saturday evening she did so well. She slept through most of the game (Badgers won by the way) and was happy just to be carried around in her knock of Baby Bjorn. Saturday night/post-injury was another story though. She did fine as long as she was being held though, so we broke every rule in the parenting books and had her sleep with us in bed that night. The next morning she was crabby as all hell, but we could tell that it was at least starting to feel better. Monday morning it still wasn’t 100% so we got a little worried and we took her to our pediatrician on Tuesday morning. He said that since there was almost 3 hours by the time the injury was fixed that it was just going to take a little longer for it to feel better. By Tuesday night, it seemed that it was back to being fully functional and the teething was starting to subside.
                During this whole process though, my wife and I inadvertently taught her that if she screams that we will pick her up right away. Not the best lesson to give to your generally good natured and happy-go-lucky baby while she is teething! Even though it bugged the shit out of us, we did a little bit of “cry it out” parenting. By Wednesday night, her arm was feeling 100% and her teeth didn’t seem to bother her so she is pretty much back to her old self now. I am sure that once her next teeth come in that it will be game over again though. I really wish that babies would just get all of their teeth in all at once. As a parent, you would have a really shitty week while they came in, but then it would be done and over with. My god that would be nice.
                I have started to feel a wee bit better about the injury. After people found out I had friends, family, and even a few strangers tell me about their horror stories. My brother-in-law was a big help as he has 2 little girls and was able to cheer me up. As odd as it sounds, what really made me feel better was finding out that my mother-in-law had injured my wife’s sister in the same way when she was 2. I know that sounds terrible, but I mean it as a compliment. If my mother-in-law can accidentally injure her child and still be a great mom, then maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up too much.
                This past weekend we had yet another wedding. My wife’s sister got married and my wife and I were both standing up at the wedding. Luckily, my wife has a huge family on her Mom’s side and we had an entire army of Aunts that were fighting on who got to hold her. She spent the majority of the day with the Aunts and my wife’s grandmother. I am told that Elizabeth was in with all of the bridesmaids while they were getting ready though. Everyone commented on how cute she was and who they couldn’t believe that she didn’t mind being passed around from person to person. In general, as long as she isn’t crabby, hungry or wet, she really is a good natured and happy-go-lucky little kiddo. So it was nice to hear, but not really a big shock.
                The wedding was nice of course, we did our thing and had fun, but it was really weird to take that break from being a parent. I had someone watching my child from about 7am to about 6pm. I hardly even saw her that day. I mean, I guess I should be used to it since I go to work, but there was just something different about it this time. After dinner my wife and I hardly put her down at all. It wasn’t long after the grand march though that my wife accidentally got stuck on baby/toddler duty. She ended up in the hotel room with Elizabeth and one of my nieces. Throughout the night she gained 2 more. It was actually really cute and my wife said she didn’t really mind except she wished we would have danced together. Luckily we have about 13,847,293,849 more damn weddings yet, so I think we can fit it in somewhere.
                Towards the end of the dance I was thoroughly drunk. I had started drinking at 6am and just kind of kept going all day. I was attempting to cut a rug, but I ended up getting cornered by every damn child at the wedding (minus any that were sleeping in my hotel room of course). There were these wrestling belts that were used by the bride and groom in the grand march as my sister-in-law’s husband is a big wrestling fan. They all kept bringing the belts to me and then would run away, screaming with delight, as I tried to capture them and put the belts on them. I had a small army of 4 or 5 doing this for a good hour or so. There was some rando kid there too, not even sure who the hell she belonged to, but she was very shy, I mean painfully shy. I am terrible at guessing ages, but she appeared to be about my niece and my god daughter’s age, so around 4. By the end of the dance, she was riding on my shoulders and when her grandparents (I assumed they were grandparents since they seemed too old to be her parents) came to collect her she started crying. I got her to smile and thanked her for dancing and playing with me. They told me that she is normally quite shy and that I must be really good with kids to get her to come out of her shell like that. They had thought that at least 3 of the kids were mine, again I don’t know what it is that makes people think that I am old enough to have that many kids.
                I’ve actually heard from people my whole life about how good I am with kids; toddlers through teenagers are kind of my wheelhouse though. It seemed to throw people off when I we found out we were pregnant and had expressed anxiety about having an infant. “But you’re so great with kids!” they would say. And they aren’t wrong, but a baby or an infant, is different. It’s not just the fact that they are so fragile, but the fact that they can’t communicate. With a toddler you can usually figure you’re way through what they want. They can tell you if they are hurt, hungry, tired, poop filled, etc. With an infant, they only have one way of communicating what they want and that is screaming until they are satiated. Of course, you do learn the differences in their cries, but when you have an infant that is hungry, wet, teething, with an ear infection then you don’t even know where to start.

                To end my rant, it has been a crazy 2 weeks with a lot of ups and downs, but for the most part the 3 of us came out unscathed. A lot of stress, a lot of riding in cars, not a lot of sleep, and an insane amount of drinks have been had (seriously… Saturday alone it was 6am-4am. You read that right. 22 hours of drinking), but we seem to be figuring this parenting shit out ok. As per usual, I thank you for reading and I invite you to check us out on Facebook. Other than that, I will hope to have a few more posts up this week so check back soon. Prost!

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