Riddle me this!

Howdy gang,

            So, the Huffington Post posted this really cool article about questions to ask your dad while you still can. (You can view the original article here) I thought it would be kind of neat to answer these questions now for my children and eventually maybe take the time to reevaluate my answers once I get older. There is also a set of questions to ask your Mom that I suggest checking out (You can check it out here). I submit to you, dear reader, my answers. Enjoy!

1.      As a kid, what did you think you wanted to do for a living?

 Ya know?  I’m not really sure. I don’t think I’ve ever had the clarity of purpose that your mother had. There are two things thought that stick out. I remember REALLY wanting to be an astronaut. I’ve loved space and science fiction for as long as I can remember, but at one point I realized how much math was involved with being an astronaut and I got discouraged. After that, I wanted to be either a paleontologist or an archeologist. I feel in love with dinosaurs when Jurassic Park came out and thought that would be really cool, but I never stuck with it for some reason. I kind of fell in to my current job, but I really love it. So, I lucked out there.

2. In hindsight, is there a time you didn’t stand up for someone or something (a person, a cause) but wish you did? Why didn’t you at the time?

I’ve always been pretty politically active and quite vocal. I don’t recall there ever being a time that I didn’t speak my mind and stand up for what I believe in. But I can think of a few times when I was younger that I didn’t speak up for someone, especially when they were getting picked on. Sadly, I can think of a few times where I even joined in. I’m not proud of that at all, but it happened. As to why I didn’t speak up, I’m not sure. I think part of it was just being a kid and wanting to fit in with the group. As I got older, I found that sometimes the group sucks and I never really wanted to be a part of it anyway. I think that is the learning curve involved with growing up.

3. How has your idea of what it means to be a man changed over the span of your life?

Ah man…that is a tough one. My dad wasn’t around when I was little, so I remember being terrified at the very thought of becoming a dad because I didn’t really know what that even meant. For much of my life, I relied on pop culture to dictate what “being a man” was. I remember thinking that a “real man” never cries, never deals with his emotions, definitely doesn’t express those emotions other than perhaps anger, is in to sports, knows how to hunt, and works on cars. There was a time where I literally thought that “being a man” was really just trying to bang as many women as possible. As I got older, I realized that pretty much all of that was nonsense. Ironically, I became a real adult and parent at the right time. Pop culture started to change. There were more depictions of “modern men” that were more on par with how I felt and acted. I was in a generation of men that was raised by women and we acted accordingly. I have a beard at the time of writing this because I hate shaving. Why? Because my Mother didn’t know a damn thing about how to shave a face and as a result, shaving was painful for me. So, what is my current version of what it means to be a man? I think a real man doesn’t really give two shits about what anyone, outside of his family, thinks of him. I’m not a sports-guy or a hunter or a mechanic and I don’t’ really care. I have my own interests, hobbies, desires, etc. And don’t care if that makes me “manly” or not.  I have no issue with expressing my feelings/emotions. I think being a real man involves learning from one’s mistakes and trying not to repeat them.

4. What’s one thing your mom or dad always used to tell you growing up that turned out to be true?

 Ma always told me that time would seem to move faster as I got older. I shrugged it off since I was “young, dumb and going to live forever”. I’m 30 at the time of writing this and time has already started to move at a pace that I just can’t keep up with. I remember being a kid and hearing that something was a year away and I would think, “My god! That’s forever away and it probably will NEVER COME!” Now if I hear something is a decade away I think, “Well…that’ll be here before we know it.” Like so many things, I wish that I had listened to Ma and lived in the moment more.

5. What were some of your biggest insecurities when you were in high school?

 I put on a pretty good mask while in high school. I’ve had more than a few classmates remark that I seemed to “never care what others thought”. It was a good mask/defense mechanism. Like most teens, I thought that I was too fat, too stupid, not popular enough, etc. It is hard for me to really remember my biggest insecurities at that time, because now I really don’t care. If someone doesn’t like me…that’s their bag. If someone thinks I’m too fat…well thank god they aren’t in charge of my diet. I could go on and on, but high school was 4 short years that felt like an eternity and it felt like that for most people. I find it sad that there are people who felt like they peaked in high school. They feel they were the best version of themselves from the ages of 14-18. How sad is that? They apparently never have grown as a person.

6. Are you where you thought you’d be at this point in your life?

 Yes and no. I never thought too much about where or how I would actually end up. In high school I had asperations of being in a band. I thought that I would enjoy touring the country and playing music. I arguably had the chance to do just that shortly after your Ma and I got married. I was in a band and the guys wanted to take the next step and start hitting the road. I didn’t want to leave the job I liked and my new wife behind. I had responsibilities that I enjoyed. I made the choice to build a family. I had never ruled out the idea of being a family man, I just hadn’t really considered it much either. Now that I’m here, I wouldn’t change it at all.

7. What was the first time you remember really getting your feelings hurt? By whom and what happened?

I’m not sure that I recall the first time. I think it would probably just be being little and not understanding why my dad wasn’t around. There were a lot of factors as to why he couldn’t be around. I am only now understanding those factors, it was definitely too much for a small child to understand. Right or wrong, my feelings were hurt. I was mad at my mom and my dad. I was angry at myself for having so little control over the situation and I was sad that I wasn’t able to see him. Very complex emotions for an adult, let alone a child.

8. Who was the first person you said, “I love you” to in a romantic context? Did he or she say it back?

 I remember saying it to my 7^th grade girlfriend for the first time and yes, she said it back. I don’t think that either of us really understood the weight of that phrase though at the time, so I’m not sure that should really even count. If it doesn’t count, then I would say the first person that I really said it to in a romantic context and where I fully understood the weight of the phrase, was to your mother. We started dating when we were 15, so perhaps we didn’t really understand it then either. But it just felt right.

9. (If your parents got married): What was the moment you realized you wanted to marry Mom or Dad?

I’m not sure if there was a single solitary moment. It was a collection of thousands of moments. But I do recall the time that I decided that I was going to propose. Your mother went to college in Milwaukee and we were going to have to do the long-distance relationship. It terrified the shit out of me. I considered breaking up with her because I was going to miss her so much. Yep. You may need to re-read that and slower, but that was my though process. Instead, we put in the extra effort and made it work. It sucked, but we lived for the time we got to spend together. That’s when it kind of hit me that we really had to have something special.

10. If you could have dinner with three famous people, living or dead, who would they be?

 Hmmm…tough one. I think I would have to go with the Patton Oswald. He is a comedian and he just seems like someone that I could really relate to personally and like he would be someone that is really fun to have a dinner conversation with. Second, I think it would be cool to spend the day with comedian Nick Offerman. Not only is he a comedian, but he is a noted woodworker and outdoorsman, pretty sure it would be cool to sit down with him as well. And lastly, I think I would love to have dinner with Ben Franklin. Getting a chance to speak with a Founding Father, inventor, statesmen, and author is just too great to pass up.

11. What did a typical Friday night look like for you at age 17?

Ha. At 17 we didn’t do much. Usually your mother and I would get together with friends. We would drive to Menomonie and see a movie, loiter at the local Perkin’s restaurant, and then loiter at the local Wal-Mart. Your Mom and I worked throughout high school though too, so many times one of us was at work. You mom worked at the Dairy Queen and I worked at the library at that time. My hours were more flexible than hers, so usually I was out more. Your Mom’s parents were also much more strict than my Ma was. So I could stay out late, but your Mom was usually due home by 10pm. We did a lot of stupid stuff at that time, but we never really got in trouble either.

12. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but never got the chance?

 Travel. I really wanted to see the world, especially Japan, Ireland, Germany, Italy, Egypt, and most of South America. Money and time have been huge factors there, but I’ve made my decisions that lead to me not traveling. I’m okay with my choices. May still get to do it someday.

13. When do you feel the happiest?

I know what I should say. I should say when I am around my kids. And for the most part, that is very accurate. On a day to day basis, nothing brings me more joy than just sitting on the floor and playing with my kids. But, I think most of my friends and family will tell you that you won’t ever see a smile on my face like you see after I go to a concert or if I played a show. I’ve been told that I have a “post-show-glow” for several hours and I can’t shake the smile on my face. I can see that. There is something indescribable about seeing or putting on a show. I think it won’t be too much longer and I will be able to do both. Spend time with my kids AND see a show. I got to take Elizabeth to see one of my all-time favorite bands last summer. She was too small to really get what was going on or appreciate it, but it was still one of the best experiences that I’ve had in my life to this point.

14. What’s one underrated but important skill a person should possess?

 Learn by doing. I’m not sure it is necessarily “underrated” but it is important. So many people won’t just jump in to learn something. They are afraid of failure or of what others will think and I think that is nonsense. We all usually learn more from our mistakes than our successes, so why not learn by doing? Hop in and figure it out. A close second for me is the ability to debate. Many people see it as being argumentative, but it is important to form and back up an opinion all while actively listening to the counter argument.

15. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

I’ve received a lot of great gifts. I’ve always been pretty fortunate. I think it would be a 3-way tie though and each for a different reason. 1^st was a Mickey Mouse toy I got when I was itty bitty. My Ma was recently divorced, super poor and ended up utilizing Toys For Tots. Ma was a very proud woman and it took a lot for her to accept charity, but she wanted her son to have a good Christmas, so she swallowed her pride. That is a very good lesson for a parent to learn. Second was the drum set I got when I was a sophomore or a junior. Ma was broke again and we weren’t going to do anything for Christmas. I was old enough to be okay with it, but Grandma Goose thought that was nonsense. Ma had told her how much I really wanted a drum set and that I was saving up to buy one. Grandma Goose gave Ma the money for me to buy my first used drum set. I put that thing through the wringer and it is a very cherished item. 3 was my children. The best gift my wife could ever give me. You kids have changed almost everything about me and I’m totally cool with that. You are literally the gift that keeps on giving.

16. What has been your favorite age so far and why?

 I’m not sure if I really had a favorite age. I found love at 15. Found a job I love at 20. Got married at 22. Got to be a dad for the first time at 27. And I get to be a dad again at 30. All of them have had amazing ups and downs. I will say the year I spent in Arkansaw living with our high school friend Trevor was so much fun. I was 21-22 and we spent a whole year pretty much doing whatever we wanted. We stayed up late, had parties, played video games, played music, went to concerts, etc. We pretty much did what we wanted when we wanted. I could never live like that forever, but for a year it was a blast.

17. How do you want to be remembered?

I’m not sure I get much of a say in this. It is kind of like picking your own nickname. It just doesn’t feel organic. I mean, I get a say in how I am remembered by my actions. Obliviously. But I’ve found that we get much less of a say in others’ opinions of ourselves than we may think. I guess I would like to be remembered as an imperfect guy that got extremely lucky and got to lead a perfect life. I hope that others remember me for the laughs that I brought them and not for the times that I may have hurt them. I hope my wife remembers the young, dumb, and in love 15 year old version of me and not the (sometimes) jaded, cranky old man that I’ve become. I hope my kids remember me playing on the floor with them and sneaking them snacks and not the times that I was at work. I guess I will just have to endeavor to do better so that is how I am remembered.

            I hope you enjoyed my responses. I suggest trying this out for yourself. It was a lot of fun, but it did make me get really introspective. These questions are a lot harder than you would think. Or better yet, try them out with your own folks. I think you may be surprised at what you find out. Don’t forget to check out Fatterhood on Facebook! As always, thanks for reading and PROST!