Howdy again Gang,
Holy
shit is my little girl getting so freakin’ big! I believe I told you all about
how she started rolling a few weeks ago. She started out pretty much only doing
back to tummy, but now she is a tiny little tornado. Every single diaper change
is still a shit filled rodeo, compounded in difficulty because she also insists
on grabbing her toes now at all times (more on that in just a minute). Now
though, she has started to roll to her toys. Her Sophie and her orange ball are
currently all the rage. They even finally saw her roll at daycare, which is great
because I am pretty confident that they thought we were making this shit up.
The toe thing is killing me though. It was about 2 weeks ago that my wife picked
up Elizabeth from daycare and she was just intently watching another child
there play with her toes. That freaking night she spent the majority of the
night trying to find her own feet. Now, as long as she isn’t in her footie
pajamas and has a free hand, she is always playing with her toes. She is on a
mission to get those damn toes in to her mouth as well, which is oddly gross to
me. I mean, it isn’t like she is walking around barefoot all over the place and
stepping in dog shit, but there is something ingrained in me as an adult that I
shouldn’t suck on my toes. Perhaps in jealousy as I am so out of shape and so
not flexible enough to get my toes in my own mouth.
I have
made some references about the “parenting cabal” via Facebook and while
speaking with my friends and I am usually met with looks of confusion. I’ve
already made reference that parenting is a real bitch sometimes, but for the
most part… I always speak quite fondly of it. That got me to thinking of what
pretty much every other parent has ever said about parenting and I had an epiphany.
There is a certain amount of cognitive dissonance that comes with being a
parent. I’m tired, grumpy, many times and shit and or piss covered, always spit
up covered, but when I am asked about what’s it like to be a parent, I usually
reply with, “I wouldn’t trade it for the world”. I unintentionally lie (for
lack of a better word) to childless friends and family. I say lie, only because
I do mean what I say, but it is a lie of omission. It seems ingrained in our
very DNA to try to trick our friends and family in to having kids, but as soon
as I get together with my friends and family we spend a majority of the time
talking about the dark underbelly of parenting. Hence the “parenting cabal”.
I have
been brutally honest about my experiences and feelings during this whole 4
months (yeah, I know…she is 4 months old already! WTF?!). Even though, by
definition, I am a part of this parenting cabal now, I think I have painted a
true picture of what it is like to live with an infant. It is a totally
indescribable mix of emotions. I do mean it when I say that I wouldn’t trade it
for anything, but at the same time I wish Elizabeth came with an owner’s
manual. A part of me does miss going out on the weekends, getting shitfaced and
pissing in whatever local alley way that I found. I made mention that I am a
mild workaholic, but just last week I was given a mindless task of putting a
profile picture on a few of the computer programs that we use at work. While
looking for pictures to use, I came across one of Elizabeth and I while we were
at a zoo a few weeks ago. I just starred at it. I hit submit profile picture
and then said “Fuck it, I’m going to get my daughter”. It was an office day and
I had the lion’s share of my critical work done, but I used to milk those
office days out for 12+ hours and come in on the weekends, now I just want to
see my damn kid. This has lead to some resentment on my end towards work, and
some resentment on my boss’ end because I am not putting my usual amount of
hours in.
I miss
the old me and I can’t stand the old me all at the same time. Luckily for me,
my wife is amazing. She allows me to get my old ways in here and there. She’ll watch
out daughter all by herself after working for 12 hours so that I can go see the new Star Trek with a
buddy. Which to be fair was a win-win because she had ZERO interest in seeing
it. She is not dumb, she knows that on Friday nights after my wife and daughter
go to bed, I usually kill a 6 pack of beer or a bottle of wine and smoke a few
cigars on the patio, but bless her soul, she allows me to have my “me time”. I
try to do that for her as much as possible too because that’s an important part
of parenting that I feel gets overlooked by many new parents. You HAVE to make
time for yourselves and for each other or you will go nuts. As much as it will
pain you to leave your child with someone for the night, you have to get out
and go see a movie and then get shitty. As difficult as it is, you have to find
or make the time to get out and do your own thing every now and again. Admittedly,
it is much more difficult for my wife to get away by herself since she is still
breastfeeding, but we have lucked out and Ewok does great going back and forth
between bottles and boobs, she must take after her daddy.
So in
the future if you are foolish enough to ask me about parenting, know that my
DNA is urging me to lie to you so that you have your own child, but know that I
am not lying about loving being a dad. I would like to thank you all for
reading as per usual. I would also like to take this time to say
CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME TO THE CABAL to our friends Doc and Ginger! They
became the proud parents of a beautiful and healthy baby girl earlier this
week. Their baby girl is the one that I mentioned in an earlier post, she is
destined to be Elizabeth’s eventual best friend and/or lesbian wife. We are
very happy for the 3 of them though in all seriousness. Also, I will have a
very special treat coming up for everyone soon. You will get to hear from my
wife! She got a suggestion from a friend of hers that reads this blog and long
story short…I loved it and will be posting soon, so check back. As usual, don’t
forget to check out Fatterhood on Facebook and PROST!
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