Wedding Madness!

The new logo of Fatterhood!

Howdy Gang,

                While my wife is finishing up her end of a post, I figured I would keep you all satiated. Over the weekend we had yet another wedding, this time in Green Bay. I fell asleep on the couch Friday night which has been a pretty usual occurrence lately. Anyways, when I woke up Saturday morning Ewok and my wife were sitting on the floor by the couch and Ewok was eating. As soon as she heard me start to stir around she unlatched and started searching for me. I was immediately greeted by her little goofy toothless smile. That is the way to wake up every single day. She refused to latch back on until I played with her a little. So we goofed around, I made faces and we danced a little and then she remembered that she was hungry so she went back to eating with my wife the Slave-Cow while I showered at got ready. Elizabeth did really well on the way down despite her teething. A 3 hour car ride with a teething infant may be one of the circles of Hell that Dante forgot about, but we didn’t get to fully experience it until the way home…more on that later.

                The wedding was held at the botanical garden in Green Bay. It was gorgeous, but it was like a 10-15 minute walk out to the pavilion were the wedding was being held. I know I am out of shape, but Jesus what a pain in the ass in dress shoes, carrying a diaper bag, and carrying a teething infant! We got out there and the wedding was very nice. A short, simple, sweet and to the point ceremony and then we had to trek our asses right back out again. We literally walked longer than it took for the ceremony. We made our way to the reception which was held at a local brew-pub called Title Town Brewing, right across the street from Hinterland Brewing. I got out voted by my wife’s family to go over to Hinterland while we waited, but I lucked out because Title Town had some really nice craft brews. I proceeded to start drinking copious amounts of delicious craft beers. After over 12 years of being around my wife’s extended family, I still get kind of nervous and I tend to use beer as a social lubricant.

                Anyways, we make it up to the reception hall and they have several of Title Town’s brews on tap for free, this was unknown to me before we made it up there otherwise I wouldn’t have spent $7 per pint glass down in the pub. They also had a Wisconsin favorite the Old Fashioned. If you aren’t from Wisconsin, I don’t know how to describe this elixir of the Gods other than they are delicious if made properly. These were also free which ‘free’ is one of my favorite kind of drinks. We did the rest of the wedding festivities, dinner, passed around Elizabeth to all of the cousins/aunts/etc., and by this time in the night we had a very sleepy little Ewok. She was fighting it pretty hard though so I asked the DJ if he would play Wagon Wheel during an upcoming slow set. Thank god he did! Ewok, my wife and I all stepped out on the dance floor and did a 3-way slow dance and gently rocked her to sleep.  It was a win for sure.

                With Ewok sleeping with my wife’s aunts, we made our way out to the dance floor with the nieces. Those 2 girls got some funky fresh moves let me tell you. The little one’s version of dancing by the way is to just be picked up and swung around. All of us were taking turns swinging her around, but that is extremely tiring for an adult that doesn’t have the energy of an average 3 year old, so we would try to sneakily pass her off. She wised up to that pretty quickly though. During this whole time, I was just pounding the free beer. I lost count of how many drinks, but the last number I remember was 12 beers and 4 very strong Old Fashioneds. While going up to the very nice bartender (whom I had been tipping quite well all night) told me “You must be the coolest dad I have ever seen! You are soooo good with all of your kids!”. I was too drunk to realize that she thought that my 2 nieces and possibly my wife’s cousin’s kids (a 10 and a 12 or 13 year old) were my kids! Once it hit me what she thought, I was actually a little bummed out. Hold old did this lady think I was? I know my beard adds on a few years, but I can’t be the father of a 12 year old!

                Elizabeth was getting pretty cranky by this point in the night, she had already chewed/spit up on an uncle’s tie and was just done. Both of my nieces were also quickly running out of juice. We caravanned the kids to the hotel (it was only a 2 block walk) and my wife was kind enough to stay with all 3 girls in the hotel while my brother-in-law, his wife and I went back to the reception. My brother-in-law’s wife and I are drinking buddies. We have a lot in common and we both like to toss a few back. We proceeded to drink all of the drinks. I can’t put a number on it, but it was all of the drinks. This left us properly lubed up to make asses out of ourselves on the dance floor. Apparently my jam is ANY Beyonce song. Didn’t know that. Eventually the party dwindled down and all of us kids were planning on hitting up a bar. I mean, we were childless and it was only 11pm. But on the way back to the hotel, we realized we were all tired and now properly 3 sheets to the wind. We decided to call it a night since we all had a long drive the next morning.

                The next morning, we said our goodbyes and saddled up in our respective cars. I wasn’t really that hung-over, but I was exhausted from staying up drinking and dancing. We only made it about 15 minutes and Elizabeth started screaming. And I mean SCREAMING. She was just pissed. Don’t know for sure if she was hungry, had a wet diaper or her teeth were bothering her, but my guess it was all 3 because my sweet little angel turned in to an unholy terror. We stopped at a 5 Guys since I was also hungry and we changed a butt, fed our little pissed off gremlin and gave her Sophie to chew on. We ate and even though she was soooo tired, she refused to fall asleep. We packed her back up in the car and she actually passed out again. But about half-way home, she shit and it was round 2. I still am unsure how something so small can produce soooo much shit, but she is a pro. We pulled over, ate, and changed a diaper again, but she still wasn’t having any of that nonsense. She just kept letting us know how sick of riding in a car she was. Eventually we pulled over again and I got behind the wheel and my wife jumped in back to keep her entertained. After a full 30 minutes, she finally passed back out. All things considered, it was still a very successful trip but this teething shit can stop at ANY time. 

                I would like to throw out a sincere thank you to a dear friend of mine that not only inspired me to start writing this blog, but also took the time to design a kick ass logo for Fatterhood. Tere has been such a great friend, a great Aunt to Elizabeth, and is now and amazing wife as she just got married! So thank you Tere! As always, thank you all for reading. Check out Fatterhood on Facebook. And keep on the lookout for my wife’s forthcoming post! Thank you all again- PROST!