But my incompetence knows no bounds!

Hello again all,
My wife gave me one simple task last night. Bring in the hanging flower basket that Elizabeth got her for Mother's Day because we had a frost warning last night. I went out side and I had myself a Moscow Mule and a cigar and wrote my first blog post while sitting on the deck. Then I went to bed. See what I forgot there? I never brought the freaking plant in! The hospital let me bring a baby home when my dumb ass can't remember to bring in a plant! My wife laughed when I told her, but I it was seriously bugging me. How can I be a good dad when I can't even manage to take care of an outdoor plant?! Then I figured that if that plant had crapped all over the deck and then shrieked like a banshee I probably wouldn't have forgotten it. So as long as I don't forget Elizabeth outside during a frost warning, I guess I can forgive myself for this one.
On a totally unrelated note, I feel I owe a total stranger an apology. Well...kind of. In 2010 I was pretty much perpetually drunk for an entire year. Work wasn't going great and my wife (fiancé at the time) was still living in Milwaukee finishing school. One day after a particularly bad bender my roommate,  a mutal friend and myself peeled ourselves off of our respective passout locations and decided to go get breakfast. Nevermind that it was 1pm. We drove to Perkins and we looked awful. I remember I was wearing flip flops, pajama shorts, a tank top, and sunglasses. So visually I was a steaming pile and I felt even worse. We went in, sat down and ordered. In the booth behind us there was a couple that had a small child (I am terrible at guessing ages, but he was less than 2) and the couple was arguing rather loudly. Because of this, their child was crying, screaming occasionaly and throwing things. Being a hungover turd of a human being, I had zero tolerance for any of the nonsense taking place in the booth behind me. I whipped around the couple to "Control your freaking brat or I swear to god I will eat that kid just to shut him up!". They got all pissy and ended up leaving very shortly after. So to whom do I owe the apology you ask? The kid. It wasn't his fault that I was hungover or that his parents were Olympic-level assholes. Screw his parents, but the kid wasn't actually doing anything wrong. Luckily, my Elizabeth can do absolutely no wrong...
Cheers for now.