Howdy all,
This is my first attempt at a blog. I am sure this will be quite apparent in a few sentences. I recently became a father to a beautiful baby girl named Elizabeth Rose. After chronicalling my paternal foibles on Facebook for a month I was urged to start writing a blog based on my fatherly misadventures. So let's start from the beginning shall we?
I was scared shit less when I found out I was going to be a dad. My god the things that went through my head! Am I ready for this? Do my wife and I make enough money? How will it work with my work schedule? On and on. My wife was thrilled beyond explanation, but I did not give her the reaction she had been hoping for. She came out of the bathroom, showed me the test and I just was lying on the bed with a mouth-agape look of shock mixed with horror. First words out of my mouth were something brilliant to the effect of, "Wow...ok...". For context, when we told my best friend he started crying and my wife hit me and said, "That was supposed to be your reaction!".
Over the following months I began to get more excited about the impending fatherhood. I started reading books (laugh all you want, but Pregnancy For Dummies is very well written and helped me a lot!), reading parenting blogs and magazines, etc. I really started to get in to the whole concept. My first "What the hell did we just get in to?!" moment was when we did the baby registry. We went to Babies R Us and started looking around. There were just so many options for everything! My god! An entire aisle of car seats! A showroom full of cribs! And they made it sound like if we picked the wrong one that we might as well pick up a baby coffin to go with it! At that moment, I was both jealous and sad for my ancestors that never had to make such "life threatening" choices. Back in the day you threw the kids in the buggy and hoped none of them died of dysentery on the way to meet the grandparents. Both eligent and terrifying in its simplicity.
On a side note to any expecting parents that may be reading this, the whole idea of Baby Inc. is kind of bullshit. I am not saying that you should strap you newborn in to the front seat with a bungee cord when you bring them home from the hospital, but as long as they are fed, changed, loved, and some common sense is used...you will probably be ok. And whatever you do...DO NOT GOOGLE BIRTH DEFECT STATISTICS! I guarantee that you will just freak yourself out.
Labor and delivery was pretty much textbook. My wife started with contractions strong enough to wake her up at around midnight. Father of the year here, decided that they were just Braxton contractions and decided to polish off a half bottle of wine. It became pretty apparent that it was actually showtime. In preparation I played the two part episode of The Office where Pam goes in to labor. A joke that I still think is funny, but my wife found not so amusing. I showered, let the chickens out and we were at the hospital by 330am.
We got checked in and got settled in the room. The nurses didn't think that my wife was actually in labor since she was able to talk through most of her contractions, but they didn't know my Warrior Princess because she was already 6cm.
Everything proceeded along nicely and at around 10am the Doc said we were a full 9cm and the only thing holding Elizabeth back was the bag of waters. He popped it and then it was truly game time. At 1049am my daughter came out screaming, cone headed and covered in all sorts of visera. They put her on my wife's chest and she proceeded to take her first dump.
It is at this point that I notice the Doc is sweating and has a concerned look on his face. Apparently my wife was hemmoraging due to a complication with the placenta. He was able to stop the bleeding and I was able to cut the cord. My wife was safe and had brought my beautiful baby girl in to the world with zero pain meds. It was a sight to behold.
I shall be doing more posts and updates, but I think this pretty much brings you up to speed for the most part. Stay tuned for more stories about Fatterhood! Cheers!
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