Fat-dad's guidelines to success

Howdy ya’ll,

                I have been super busy with work again and have gotten behind on posts. I know what an a-hole. Anyways, today I have decided to do something slightly different. When my wife was pregnant, I started what I called a “pre-baby book”. I would write letters to my unborn child. The letters would be what was going on in our lives, what I was thinking about in regards to the impending fatherhood, how my wife was feeling, etc. So the following is an excerpt from my pre-baby book. It is Fat-dad’s guidelines to happiness. If you don’t remember, we didn’t know the sex of the baby before she was born so we nicknamed the fetus Sal.

Hey Sal,

The following are my tips for a happy/successful life. Some of these are going to feel contradictory and that’s because they are. The things that make us happy also have the potential to give us the greatest amount of pain, so happiness by itself is contradictory. Many of these I learned through trial and error, song lyrics, movies, and your grandmother.

11)      We are all born to broken people on their most honest day of living.- While your Ma may not be considered a “broken person” your father most assuredly is. But the whole pregnancy has given me focus. I only really have 1 job now. To raise you. So the day you are born will be my most honest day of living.

   2)      If your boat is sinking, sometimes it is better to sink the son of a bitch and remember that you can swim.- This was a favorite of your grandmother. When I was younger I never understood the meaning. Later, it struck me. The idea is that sometimes we pour a lot of energy in to things that we use as crutches. Many times you are better off to just let it go and let things be what they are and rely on your own strength to get you to where you need to be.

   3)      You find happiness when you stop searching for it. – If you think of your happiest moments it is usually the times that you just let a situation wash over you. The time spent planning or trying to obtain happiness are rarely very happy times.

   4)      Have an opinion but don’t be afraid to change it given new information- Keep yourself informed on issues, but do not be so stuck in your opinion that you refuse to change it when presented with new information.

   5)      Question EVERYTHING- This is an extension of guideline 4, you don’t have to be a dick about it, but you should question everything and form your own opinion.

   6)      Never stop learning- another extension of guidelines 4 and 5, but there is an entire world out there. You will never learn it all, but that is no reason to stop trying to learn it all. But don’t ever think you know everything.

   7)      Don’t start the fight, but if someone else does you can finish it. – This one is pretty self explanatory.

   8)      In almost any situation in life you have 2 options. You can laugh or you can cry. Crying doesn’t help anything.- Yet another favorite of your grandmother’s. What she meant was that you can cry, have at it, but realize it doesn’t really help anything. You might as well try to find the humor in whatever it is, laugh, and move on.

   9)      Let your freak flag fly. – Everyone is geeky about something. I am geeky about many things, comics, movies, music, video games, tv shows, etc. and I have taken crap for a good chunk of my life for it. Don’t know why though. I wear a band shirt and get made fun of, but someone can wear a sports jersey and nobody says anything? Doesn’t make sense. Find your jam and roll with it.

  10)   Remember that a job is NEVER “beneath” you. – I have worked a lot of shitty jobs. I mean a lot of them. But just remember, as long as it puts a roof over your head, food in your mouth, and clothes on your back, that job is never too good for you.

  11)   Find something you love to do and you will never work a day in your life. –I know, this one kind of breaks guideline 10 right? Guideline 10 is more of when you are younger or if guideline 11 doesn't pan out. The point is, you will be working for a good chunk of your life, why not find something you like doing? TGIF is bullshit, you shouldn’t hate 5 out of 7 days of your week.

  12)   Don’t be a dick.- This is my personal golden rule. It is pretty self explanatory again, but it bums me out that I need to explain that to people. Guideline 12 will get you through most of life’s tough decisions. If you are pondering something just think, “Would that make me a dick?” if the answer is “yes” then more than likely you shouldn’t do it.

You will end up learning much more throughout your years. And I am sure I will pass on more of my words of “wisdom” as well. This list is not all encompassing by any means, but it has done me pretty well over the years. I hope it makes you as lucky as I am. Love you- Dad

As always, thank you all for reading! Don’t forget to check out Fatterhood on Facebook. And above all…prost!