Fat-dad is back!

Howdy gang,

                Sorry for my absence. I have a solid working theory that The Crimson Plus Sign has been trying to kill me with how much I have been working lately. A week ago, I actually got so upset that I almost quit right then and there. I picked up the Ewok from daycare, came home, my wife got home shortly after and we were just going to chill on the couch and have dinner. But then I got a phone call from work asking me to come in. So I gave Da Butt to my wife and hopped in my car and worked until about 1am. I was just so furious that I might be missing out on something new that my daughter is doing. It seems that every single day she is discovering something new, more on that in just a minute. I was just fit to be tied with how angry I was. I ended up yelling the f-bomb so loud that I scared the shit out of the Ewok. She had no idea why Dad was so upset, but as it turns out, babies are extremely sensitive to emotions. So she figured if Dad was freaking out so bad, that she should too. Not the most helpful in that situation, but I appreciated her commiserating with me. Anyways... back to the good stuff.

                So much has changed since my last post. I mentioned that she had started rolling from her back to her stomach. My wife and I were so happy, proud, and excited. But what we didn’t realize at the time was that her rolling would turn all diaper changes in to some sort of shit covered rodeo. She just doesn’t lie still any more. Not that she ever sat patiently anyways, but now it is seriously like have to hogtie a little calf. And she giggles about it! Like a little shithead. She is plotting my demise, I am sure of it.

                That remind me, we have been able to get some awesome laughs and giggles now too. I thought I was getting good ones before, but now I know what real baby giggle are. She loves raspberries, not the berry but when you blow on her tummy. The move in my routine that really gets her laughing is when I stick my tongue out and shake my head. She thinks that that is the funniest damn thing. Man, how great would it be to be that easily entertained? She has also started to mimic a little bit now. If I make “ah” or “oh” sounds she makes them back at me and giggles. My wife also was able to catch a nice video of me throwing my head back and laughing and Elizabeth doing the same thing. Don’t know why she thought it was so funny, but I am a pretty goofy looking guy so I guess it makes sense. I will be posting the video soon on the Fatterhood Facebook page, try to ignore my massive man cans though.

                She has also started reaching for objects! Not just my beard any more, thank God! She will roll over and see her ball or crinkly square and grab them. She really loves her giraffe too. It is a super popular infant toy right now, I think its name is Sophie and you can find these things everywhere. She loves to chew on it and the squeeker makes her giggle. I don’t remember if we bought it or if it was a gift, but I suggest that you pick one up if you are expecting, it is worth every single penny. My wife is becoming increasingly certain that she will have some teeth coming in soon too. She has started chewing on pretty much everything and I can’t believe how something so tiny can produce this much drool. Seriously, it’s like carrying around a tiny, hairless St. Bernard. Every shirt that I own now has a nice little drool stain on it, which I must admit, is markedly better than the spit-up stain that was there before.

                Daycare (or the CDC lab as I like to call it) has been going very well for Elizabeth. She seems to do really well while she is there and we really like the teachers. Apparently she has refused to show them that she rolls though and I am getting the idea that the teachers think we are making it up. Bullshit! They still get easy diaper changes! Not fair at all. One of my fatherhood fears has come true though at daycare. I knew that if I had a little girl that I was going to have to learn how to put together an outfit and eventually learn to do hair. Luckily right now, she hardly has any hair and with as hot as it has been, onesies seem to be the most comfortable for her. But as it turns out, the teachers have already been able to figure out the days that Dad gets her ready. According to my wife, they just assumed that she didn’t pick out the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle outfit, or the Sandlot onesie that says “You’re killing me smalls”, or any of the other goofy outfits that I find. I have a friend that has 1 little girl of his own and 2 others from his partner’s previous relationship. This dude is the Yoda of dads. He knows how to properly coordinate an outfit, he taught himself how to French-braid, when the girls saw the new Star Wars movie he learned how to do the triple bun that Rey wears! It appears as though I will have to step-up my dad game as Elizabeth gets a little older. I don’t mind if they figure out that Dad got her ready, I just don’t want it to be super obvious.

                It really has been amazing how fast things change in a week and a half. Every single day she learns something new. She accidentally discovered her toes today and just stared at them confused for a few minutes. As an adult I have become so jaded to discovering new things or for that matter, enjoying things that I love anyways. I think I need to try to step back and see things through Elizabeth’s eyes for a while. Every day is a new adventure, there is always something new to discover or learn, and I need to enjoy the little things more often. I think I will draw the line at giggling at my toes for 5 minutes though, but maybe there is something there that I am just missing. Who knows?

                Although I am still nervous about the perils of fatherhood, so far the enjoyment that I have gotten out of it far outweighs any of my doubts or fears. I must admit that the newborn stage was not my favorite. We were still learning each other’s rhythms, schedules, etc. but right now is just a blast. Seeing a personality start to form is amazing! And now that she has some actual head control, I don’t feel like I am trying to play with a porcelain doll any more. I am confident that I will continue to make mistakes, but I don’t think that I will cause any lasting harm either. I think I am finding my groove.

                I have a few other posts that are in draft form that I plan on getting out throughout the week, so check back soon. Or…you can like Fatterhood on Facebook and I will alert you. Shameless plug, I know. As always, thank you for reading and PROST!